Part 1: Documenting the bad and the ugly

 

 

I have spent a lot of time deciding how best to tell a story that is life altering without it being a hurtful or hateful story…even if those were my feelings at the time. Having an album concept where the focus is on 100 life changing moments, I have decided to really focus on how the moment changed me, instead of the sad hurtful details that may hurt others within my stories that don’t always have a happy ending. That is not to say some details won't be included, just that I am being mindful as to how I want them presented in my album. This is a BIG topic and I will spend a couple of days dealing with different moments that qualify as tough emotional stories. Today I am going to focus on a tough story that is a moment filled with sadness and hurt.

Yesterday, I mentioned that my mom and I were in a car accident. I was almost 7 and my mom didn’t make it. I didn’t come out of the accident looking too pretty.

 

 

I use to HATE this picture. I never knew why my grandmother would want to remember me looking this way. It is the only picture I have of me from this time period. I am now grateful for this picture, simply to see how far I have come. Moment number 14 on my list is all about this picture.

As I created this page I wanted to focus on the people I remember or was told were directly involved with my memories of this accident.

 

 

I had a lot to say about what I remembered, what I didn't remember, what I was told, and how I feel about this life changing event.

 

To keep everything clear on the page I changed font color to identify my memories vs. what I was told. I used journaling as an overlay to relay how I am now viewing this situation and how I feel it has changed my life today.

 

Here is what the journaling says:

This day started out like a normal day.

A day filled with family and life on my grandparents’ farm.

I remember helping my Aunt Carol pack for her trip back home to Washington.

I remember my parents bringing my brother and I to the farm.

I remember my parents going out to a bank dinner.

I remember it was an important dinner, because my parents had been separated and were trying to put their world and life together again.

I remember my aunts, uncles and grandparents were all playing cards that night.

I remember my cousins and I talked about going to Disneyland.

I remember my 4 year old brother Joe falling asleep where we had all been playing.

I remember my mom came to pick up me and my brother that evening.

I remember everyone decided Joe could spend the night since he was sleeping.

I remember getting in the front seat of the car with my mom as the driver.

I remember being told my dad was at home, he hadn’t been there in 3 weeks.

I remember later being told he went home to make some popcorn and pour some wine, and my mom was to bring us kids home.

I remember that when I was young no one wore seatbelts.

After that I don’t remember…

I was told we were driving home from Oro Grande, California to our house in Helendale, California.

I was told it was late at night.

I was told there was a drunk driver in our lane driving with his lights off.

I was told we hit the car head on.

I was told my dad called my grandparents to see if my mom had left yet.

I was told he was worried and went out to look for her.

I was told he came upon the accident.

I was told he didn’t know my brother was still at my grandparents.

I was told my grandfather came to the accident and told my father my brother was safe.

I was told I hit the dash board.

I was told I was air lifted to Loma Linda Hospital, over 2 hours from where we were.

I was told my mother died on impact.

I remember waking up with a cast on each leg.

I remember that my Grandma Irma was staying with me at the hospital.

I remember my dad calling me each night before he left work to drive to the hospital.

I remember my dad always asked me what I wanted for dinner, and would bring it because I didn’t like the hospital food.

I remember my hospital bed and room being filled with gifts, flowers and stuffed animals.

I remember being placed in a little red wagon and going to the gift shop with my grandpa Gentile.

I was in the hospital for a long time.

I was in a coma and family and doctors were worried about how my brain would recover from the accident and they were uncertain if my left leg would grow, because of the broken growth plate.

As I remember this moment, it amazes me just how life changing this moment has been for me throughout my life. So, many other moments would be so different had this one not happened. For a long time I wished this moment away. I wished for a life with my mom. Now, at 39 years old I realize that life as I know it now would also be very different had this moment not happened. I may have never met my husband, which would mean I wouldn’t have my children. So, I have stopped wishing away this moment. Instead I have begun to look at just how this moment has changed my heart, and given me a greater understanding of just how precious each moment is. I try to remember this during times that are tough. Moments are moments no matter how life changing. I can choose to become a better, stronger, more understanding person because of it…or I can choose to lose myself within the sadness and pain. I have chosen the first. There are still times when I grieve for the life I lost because of this accident, but I am more and more grateful each day about who I have become because of it.

 

 

This was an emotional time in my life and at times over 30 years later it still can be…this is the story I want to tell. This is a moment that truly altered my world. This wasn’t a moment where I got to choose which road to travel down and the choice I would make would change my life. No, this was where my life’s path hit a dead end and I was forced to travel down a new road.

Moments like these are important to record. I felt it was important to share the details I knew and was told about this moment. It was also very important to me to briefly share how I felt, and expand on who I have become because of this life changing moment.

Do you have a life changing moment that put a dead end in your life path? Have you recorded it? I challenge you to record these powerful moments, because they truly shed light onto who you are this day.

Monday I will share how I am documenting moments that involve tough choices, and hurt feelings.

If you have any questions or comments I’d love to hear them.

 

Comments

[Angela Weinzierl]

Wow, Jen, thanks so much for sharing this. I've been avoiding doing any layouts like this because I just didn't know how to do it. Thank you for your courage to put it out there as an example.

[Icecat62]

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us and showing that we can document the sad times and learn from them and know that some how something good happens later, even when we feel that it may never be happy again.

[Ginny]

I lost my mom to cancer when I was 12. Because of the circumstances after that, I later met and married my husband. I too remind myself of that blessing at times when I wish things had happened differently. Thanks for sharing your process of organizing your thoughts and starting a project like this!

[Haley D.]

Thank you for sharing how you're preserving this life-altering event of your life. I am sorry for your loss but so proud of you for what you have chosen: to embrace life each and every day. Thank you for this beautiful, poignant piece of inspiration.

[Donna Hooper]

Hi Jen
What a wonderful way to tackle the journalling for such a sad event and time. Your words are inspiring... I am going to tackle my mothers suicide in a similar way.
Thank you for sharing with us.

[AnnaMarie]

I think this is so important. And painful. I have an album with all the photos from a car accident that killed my mom and 11-year-old sister. I wrote a lot about how that time period changed me (I was 15). I don't show very many people, but I want it to be known. Good for you.

[Latharia]

Wow. This is just so incredibly powerful. It makes me think about doing a page about where we're at NOW, stalled out in the adoption process.

[Dianne]

Thank you so much for sharing your story and the process. When I was in the second grade my dad was very seriously injured in a car accident and spent the next two years in the hospital. He survived, but it was very scary and took away my sense of security. Guess it's time to tell it so my children know. Thank you for the inspiration.

[Robin W]

I love how you are using your stories and heritage photos together. Thank you for sharing such a powerful story.

[quinna]

This is powerful....I've been doing family research for several years now and I discovered quite by accident a deep, dark family secret. I've written it up and have it tucked between two pages in my album. This was very healing.....
Your story is incredible and inspiring! Thanks