Handling a story that has two parts.

The first part...childhood feelings. Feelings of loss, hurt, anger, and despair.

The second part…feelings about looking back: discovery, understanding, encouraged, and hopefulness.

Time allows different parts of your being to awaken.

Here is the first part of my life changing moment number 33.

My 9^th grade year was the year I found my voice.

At the beginning of this year I ran for class treasurer. I spent time creating posters and campaigning…as much as a ninth grader comprehends how to campaign. I simply wasn’t that sure of myself in this new big world called high school. To my surprise I was elected!

This was the first step towards bolstering my self confidence and to begin to feel as if I had people routing for me. It was my own little cheer section simply telling me to stand up for myself, because I was worth it.

On the home front life for me was going from bad to worse. My family was working hard to build their own business, which meant MANY hours away from home. Due to this I was expected to help out even more than ever. Why was helping more a problem? I still wanted to be a kid. Instead I was to be a part time mother to my two year old brother and full time babysitter to my 8 year old sister and 11 year old brother. Plus, my list of chores and responsibilities instantly grew as well: laundry for a family of 6, cleaning the house, cooking meals, and making sure that the young ones did their chores as well. Plus, there was the never ending tension that grew stronger each year between my stepmother and I. Up until this year I really just tried to do what I was told. Up until this year I really just wanted to somehow make it through the next four years without life being too painful. The only problem with this concept was that I was about to find some inner strength, my voice.

 

I am finding that the best way for me to share a moment that is not all peaches and cream, require that I give some background info. This can’t be done with hurt in my heart. If there were ill feelings still…it would NOT be a life changing moment. It doesn’t have to be a happy moment to think back on,  but I think it is important to be capable of being reflective.

This is the first part of the story that I have been working on for the past two weeks. Yes, over two weeks I have spent some time thinking about the best way to set up this story. This first part came together quickly.

Tomorrow I will share the second part of this story and explain why it took a little bit longer to piece together. At the end of this week I will share my final page for my life changing moment, number 33.